*"Do you remember"

Clearing leave is a soothing and satisfying feeling. This sensation is almost subliminal. I quite like it. ORD is finally around the corner. (It is about time really.) Time to move on to new challenges, scale fresh terrains and seek greater opportunities in Life.

In retrospect, the Kuching Trip was really good. It allowed me to make new friends and strengthen existing ones. It gave me the chance to get back in touch with Nature and to do some serious introspection and reflection. Above all, it gave me the avenue to get my spiritual life back in order; it gave me time alone with God.

Yet, to me, the aforementioned sentiments about time alone with God is a tad queer. So very often, I am indeed alone, enjoying solidarity and and relishing my much needed solitude. But, I really question God's actual presence amidst it all. Granted, the Bible says that God is an omnipresent and omnipotent being. But, in recent times, I really find it hard to feel His presence in my Life.

Only by being immersed in Nature; surrounded by the actual wonders and marvels of the Lord do I suddenly feel 'connected' with my spiritual self. Weird isn't it? Why is there a need for a change in enviornment for me to feel things differently? Does the external realm of things really play such a pivotal role in Life?

All in all, I did enjoy the feeling of being 'away' from it all. Away from the hustle and bustle of Life. Away from work and committments. Away from everything. You could call it a refuge of sorts. However, on the flip side of the coin, you could say that it was almost veering towards self indulgence; a means of an escape from reality.

In any case, whatever it is, I felt rejuvenated and refreshed by the entire experience. I went through some internal struggles, felt truly nourished by the sharing sessions and even grew to understand myself a bit better.

I've grown to realise that I am too much of a thinker. I think more than I feel. I trust and rely on my brains much more than my heart. I over analyse. I tend to second guess too much. Yep, I claim full responsibilites of my short comings. Then again, no one's perfect right?

Uncovering all these within me made me even more melancholic than relieved. Yet, I guess this is the very idea of 'surrendering' to and depending totally on God. Reality has taught me never to depend too much on someone, never to be too trusting and never ever to hold much expectations (lest one gets seriously disappointed). Therefore, I find it a struggle at times to rely totally on God.

My shortcomings and weaknesses then, are His strength.


And that is the personal Cross that I'll need to carry.*

~*Chris* Was Here At 10:03 pm~
~~~